the physical fades

(no subject)

i never write anymore..it bothers me.....Katie called me and i couldnt answer the damn phone cause i was at work...i love Katie i mis my katie <3
i love my mike, i hate my job, my managers wife got me my college papaers i swear she is such a sweatheart. i think thays the only thing that keeps me at my job...the people i work with....the explorer is becoming mine i just have to wait liie a month or so for my dad to buy my mom a new car. lets see...i am starting a new painting...i fixed my computer *tada* so yea thats about it....... things have become so different...its freaking me out...kinda in a good way.

i want a hershey sunday pie...but they are all out...BK can kiss my ass...
  • Current Music
    Moby, Natural Blues
the physical fades

(no subject)

your redemption lasted one day....good job asshole
how many chances do you have to be given until you actually take advantage of the opportunity given to you and realize just how lucky you are to even be given the opportunity in the first place...
the physical fades

(no subject)

When did things get so fucking complicated anyway? Its starting to feel as if i am being deprived of everything i once used to know...he is just so sad and miserable and does nothing about it....i have to keep him going and honestlly i'm just tired....i want to move on with my life...it would be nice if i could keep him there as well....but i'm tired of being smothered and suffocated...why is it that you fuck up and your aloud to be angry....why is it that when i'm happy you have to be sad.....i wish it all would work.
I Glow thnx to kim

(no subject)

Alrighty I made it to sweden...called mike to let him know i was alive....ate awsome awsome food, now i´´m gonna go for a walk and smoke i wont be online i might get a cellphone here so thats the only way you´ll find me and i´ll only give you the number if i feel like talking to you.
cheers!

I´M HOME!!!
  • Current Music
    Men at Work: down under
the physical fades

(no subject)

"we should be happy together forever you and I" thing like that i just laugh at.....

WTF man! you go from wonderful to biggest asshole in the world and i am fed up with it...forget everything i ever told you..forget you ever met me! i ant you out of my life i love you more than life itself but i am done with this emotional bullshit of a rollercoaster i cant take it any more....i meen fuck you make me so happy and no one lifts my spirits like you do......but man when you hurt me it hurts...its the feeling of fuck i'll never be happy again. so just forget me ...the things we said...the things we dreamed of...just let go....
  • Current Music
    end of the road
the physical fades

(no subject)

I am so happy and so content right now.....went to my job this morning and did nothing! went to the bank, saw Kim and Dave. Went home had lunch then went shopping, bought a green elt, undies, jeans, and some shorts...whn I was in Abercrombie trying to pay for my stuff the guy behind the counter stares at me for a good while then leans and ask me how old I am , with a look of confusion i respond "18". Okie...so do you have a job..."yea",...do you want another!? "sure" ok our manager is right there go talk to him, we mingle he helps me out with everything and is thrilled about me for some sick reason. So looks like i might have a more permanent job now ey? plus an awsome discount. Then off to work I go..its raining..work was canceled due to rain yet i still get paid woot...go over to mike's and proceed to have the best night ever.... i cook food we watch movie..we loose interest in movie...and tada perfect moment...he loves it...
the physical fades

Trigger Hippie

So now that thats over...what do I do now?.......I suppose I'll figure it out.

I walked into the parking lot..got into my car...has Chris tell me Frank and Shaheed (or however the fuck you spell his name) wouldnt let me leave. I drove up to them and said peace fuckers and drove off never to return. I had this notion in my head that I was gonna be sad when I left...that I would cry. I didnt, I'll miss the buiding but not the people...because I was never that girl, I wasnt perfect and could never be and to constantlly be reminded of that was making me sick. I am happy being myself and now I can embrace that and relax. There are maybe 5 people that I can truly say I'll miss because lets face it the rest of you didnt give a shit...and I'm ok with that. At last I wasnt a moron and centered my friends at MAST...I left MAST and the people every weekend and interacted with others...others that i might actully be able to keep. either way Its ovr now and regardless of what I choose to do I know I'm gonna be happy and I am so thankful that this is all finally over.I was never sad about leaving ....only scared of change but change is a good thing and anything has got to be better than this.
  • Current Music
    Roksopp, Sparks
the physical fades

(no subject)

People and their drama bug me I think they just need to chill the fuck out. Its almost like people have been going out of their way to completelly tweak me and I've had no peace at all with the exception of prom were it pretty much was me and Mike night. We left early and just sat on the beach it was beautiful. Then I dropped him back off and started heading south were tada Rick answers his phone for once thus making my evening a lil more pleasant with his drunken blabber. I do beleive I a the last person to get served at starbucks that night...i think the girl thnks i'm insane she saw me come in and order coffee 4 times in a span of about 6 hours.Beside the point though.. later I got a call from Kim telling me I had to come get her apparentlly...so I had to stop my fun and attempt responsibillity. Next day had food...did some shoppin...got to see Rick and company so that was pleasant even though I thought the entire time my phone was lost since apparentlly Kim is blind to cup holders. it worked out though. So ysterday I returned Mike's tux and left school early cause I felt like shit and didnt read for cruz. Today was just a long day...got to windsuf and take an amazing shower...but was fukin freezing all day and finally at the end when i was warm i walk outide to find it pouring rain...so i stopped at starbucks with kim on the way home for a square break an to be reasured by rick that yes he does work tomorrow and that there is hope after all that i wont be all alone in my waiting.
the physical fades

(no subject)

Yesterday was an awakening so to speak. I put my dress on hold, went and bought a shirt then met kim at starbucks.....we had our coffee then she went with me to two meetings at south miami. i saw a bunch of people that i recognized from better way so that as nice. i got my green chip (for how many meetings in total that i've gone to ...i think its a lil more than 60 but still) sobriety has lasted longer though. went to daves.............went to jimmy's...went home...i got to talk to mike yesterday so that made me happy. woke up this morning it was beautiful outside...i dd yard work with my dad and hadbreakfast...then mike called...today is our 6 month...i expected it to go better...you know what....i didnt get a single i'm happy for you babe or good job love no love no encouragement...instead he is pissed off at me and is practically yelling at me saying why did you go to a meeting why did you pick up a green chip! so now i feel like shit and just cry .....alot.....i dont understand what i did wrong.....so e doesnt want me to go out and get high or be around those who are but i'm not allowed to go to meetings either? wtf...i love him but i cant do this. but hey i was happy yesterdayCollapse )
  • Current Music
    cafe del mar