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22 step closers - Take a flight to Sweden

[31 Oct 2005|01:48am]
[ mood | were did my little dog go ]

i never write anymore..it bothers me.....Katie called me and i couldnt answer the damn phone cause i was at work...i love Katie i mis my katie <3
i love my mike, i hate my job, my managers wife got me my college papaers i swear she is such a sweatheart. i think thays the only thing that keeps me at my job...the people i work with....the explorer is becoming mine i just have to wait liie a month or so for my dad to buy my mom a new car. lets see...i am starting a new painting...i fixed my computer *tada* so yea thats about it....... things have become so different...its freaking me out...kinda in a good way.

i want a hershey sunday pie...but they are all out...BK can kiss my ass...

2 step closers - Take a flight to Sweden

[14 Oct 2005|01:55pm]
your redemption lasted one day....good job asshole
how many chances do you have to be given until you actually take advantage of the opportunity given to you and realize just how lucky you are to even be given the opportunity in the first place...

1 step closer - Take a flight to Sweden

[21 Sep 2005|02:18pm]
When did things get so fucking complicated anyway? Its starting to feel as if i am being deprived of everything i once used to know...he is just so sad and miserable and does nothing about it....i have to keep him going and honestlly i'm just tired....i want to move on with my life...it would be nice if i could keep him there as well....but i'm tired of being smothered and suffocated...why is it that you fuck up and your aloud to be angry....why is it that when i'm happy you have to be sad.....i wish it all would work.

4 step closers - Take a flight to Sweden

[03 Jul 2005|08:35pm]
Alrighty I made it to sweden...called mike to let him know i was alive....ate awsome awsome food, now i´´m gonna go for a walk and smoke i wont be online i might get a cellphone here so thats the only way you´ll find me and i´ll only give you the number if i feel like talking to you.


1 step closer - Take a flight to Sweden

[24 Jun 2005|02:00am]
"we should be happy together forever you and I" thing like that i just laugh at.....

WTF man! you go from wonderful to biggest asshole in the world and i am fed up with it...forget everything i ever told you..forget you ever met me! i ant you out of my life i love you more than life itself but i am done with this emotional bullshit of a rollercoaster i cant take it any more....i meen fuck you make me so happy and no one lifts my spirits like you do......but man when you hurt me it hurts...its the feeling of fuck i'll never be happy again. so just forget me ...the things we said...the things we dreamed of...just let go....

2 step closers - Take a flight to Sweden

[21 Jun 2005|01:06am]
I am so happy and so content right now.....went to my job this morning and did nothing! went to the bank, saw Kim and Dave. Went home had lunch then went shopping, bought a green elt, undies, jeans, and some shorts...whn I was in Abercrombie trying to pay for my stuff the guy behind the counter stares at me for a good while then leans and ask me how old I am , with a look of confusion i respond "18". Okie...so do you have a job..."yea",...do you want another!? "sure" ok our manager is right there go talk to him, we mingle he helps me out with everything and is thrilled about me for some sick reason. So looks like i might have a more permanent job now ey? plus an awsome discount. Then off to work I go..its raining..work was canceled due to rain yet i still get paid woot...go over to mike's and proceed to have the best night ever.... i cook food we watch movie..we loose interest in movie...and tada perfect moment...he loves it...

3 step closers - Take a flight to Sweden

Trigger Hippie [02 Jun 2005|02:04pm]
[ mood | i'm ok with that ]

So now that thats over...what do I do now?.......I suppose I'll figure it out.

I walked into the parking lot..got into my car...has Chris tell me Frank and Shaheed (or however the fuck you spell his name) wouldnt let me leave. I drove up to them and said peace fuckers and drove off never to return. I had this notion in my head that I was gonna be sad when I left...that I would cry. I didnt, I'll miss the buiding but not the people...because I was never that girl, I wasnt perfect and could never be and to constantlly be reminded of that was making me sick. I am happy being myself and now I can embrace that and relax. There are maybe 5 people that I can truly say I'll miss because lets face it the rest of you didnt give a shit...and I'm ok with that. At last I wasnt a moron and centered my friends at MAST...I left MAST and the people every weekend and interacted with others...others that i might actully be able to keep. either way Its ovr now and regardless of what I choose to do I know I'm gonna be happy and I am so thankful that this is all finally over.I was never sad about leaving ....only scared of change but change is a good thing and anything has got to be better than this.

1 step closer - Take a flight to Sweden

[03 May 2005|10:56pm]
People and their drama bug me I think they just need to chill the fuck out. Its almost like people have been going out of their way to completelly tweak me and I've had no peace at all with the exception of prom were it pretty much was me and Mike night. We left early and just sat on the beach it was beautiful. Then I dropped him back off and started heading south were tada Rick answers his phone for once thus making my evening a lil more pleasant with his drunken blabber. I do beleive I a the last person to get served at starbucks that night...i think the girl thnks i'm insane she saw me come in and order coffee 4 times in a span of about 6 hours.Beside the point though.. later I got a call from Kim telling me I had to come get her apparentlly...so I had to stop my fun and attempt responsibillity. Next day had food...did some shoppin...got to see Rick and company so that was pleasant even though I thought the entire time my phone was lost since apparentlly Kim is blind to cup holders. it worked out though. So ysterday I returned Mike's tux and left school early cause I felt like shit and didnt read for cruz. Today was just a long day...got to windsuf and take an amazing shower...but was fukin freezing all day and finally at the end when i was warm i walk outide to find it pouring rain...so i stopped at starbucks with kim on the way home for a square break an to be reasured by rick that yes he does work tomorrow and that there is hope after all that i wont be all alone in my waiting.

4 step closers - Take a flight to Sweden

[24 Apr 2005|11:16am]
[ mood | way too many thoughts ]

Yesterday was an awakening so to speak. I put my dress on hold, went and bought a shirt then met kim at starbucks.....we had our coffee then she went with me to two meetings at south miami. i saw a bunch of people that i recognized from better way so that as nice. i got my green chip (for how many meetings in total that i've gone to ...i think its a lil more than 60 but still) sobriety has lasted longer though. went to daves.............went to jimmy's...went home...i got to talk to mike yesterday so that made me happy. woke up this morning it was beautiful outside...i dd yard work with my dad and hadbreakfast...then mike called...today is our 6 month...i expected it to go better...you know what....i didnt get a single i'm happy for you babe or good job love no love no encouragement...instead he is pissed off at me and is practically yelling at me saying why did you go to a meeting why did you pick up a green chip! so now i feel like shit and just cry .....alot.....i dont understand what i did wrong.....so e doesnt want me to go out and get high or be around those who are but i'm not allowed to go to meetings either? wtf...i love him but i cant do this. but hey i was happy yesterdayCollapse )

2 step closers - Take a flight to Sweden

[20 Apr 2005|10:40pm]
[ mood | content ]

So then....lets recap my day the elementary school way....picture book styleCollapse )

4 step closers - Take a flight to Sweden

[18 Apr 2005|11:04pm]
[ mood | gloomy ]

I beleive that more than anything I hat those people who have it all and dont even realize it thus they do noting but bitch and moan about it and throw big huge scenes about how miserable their lives are when your avergae person would sell their left arm for a life like theirs. I love those who are just happy with what they have even though it may not be much...... mike doesnt know if he can make it to prom.......i got the tickets though.....i dont een really ant to go to prom...it just seems depressing......it gives me anxiety.....yuppp....this blows i wish i could sleep....
can someone gie me a god reason as to why i should go to prom??? (anyone besides kim)

4 step closers - Take a flight to Sweden

[17 Apr 2005|07:18pm]
[ mood | going all the way ]

everybodys talkin about blowing up the neighborhood and all i ever wanted was to get away...... btw is it cool if i hold your hand???

It seems like its been such a long long week/weekend. Wensday was wonderful i got to see mike and i didnt have to wait for my ride I had Rick there to keep me company and me and this kid named Raul shared a strawberry thingy from starbucks that we made rick go get for us...yummy...i was pissed that i couldnt go to the unseen show though...and rick is a lil prick for not calling me during the show like he said he would.
Friday night got my cases of beer.....dropped kim off at dave's..... worked on Kirby's car with him so now the ac works and he has brakes....i felt like i had to gojo my whole damn body after the experience though. Then we all pilled in to my car and chris's truck and went out to the woods and went four wheeling.... kirby took good care of me all night and neerly beat the shit out of the same guy jimmy did cause he said something about me...i think he called me a freak *lol*.
Saturday...woke up with mike calling me and getting mad at me.....hanging up on me and yelling it just freaked me out....so i got stressed and everyone and their mom kept calling me so it stressed me out more i was so tweaked i drove to sunset and drove in circles screaming because i couldnt get parking and all i wnted was a fucking cup of coffe....i got hyped up on caffein and couldnt stop chain smoking it was sick. Then Paul kept calling and Mike's dad and Big Jim (wtf?). Then i get kim and she informs me dave's dad is in the hospital and that was the last straw my body just went into shock and became sore all over, i felt light headed i couldnt eat/sleep/drink anything it sucked. but we got food and cake and stuff and drove down to dave's and made him and his sister dinner and had a mini party with the people who were there and got some shit from Ruby's.
Sunday....today.....did nothing!!! went to pay paul.....drove to daves and chilled there for a while with kim....went to target and got them food for tonight....drove to sunset and met mike's dad who gave me 20$ in spending money and the 110$ for prom tickets *woohoo* got coffee spoke with the manager at starbucks about a job he seems nice. drove kim home and drove myself home and now i am gonna relax and have a lovely evening :D ta friggin ta!
(ha! mike's dad is a quaker by the way who would have thought.)

Take a flight to Sweden

[16 Apr 2005|12:39am]
awsome night went down to the woods with the boys (kirby, mike, greg, cris, and victora...not a guy but close enough). goos stuff went four wheeling sat by the fire had a few beers i just miss mike and hope that kim got home ok...i felt awful about that.

wensday was great it was mike's bothday (he makes me feel so loved) before that i got to see jon and rick..an met a very nice person named Raul wom i shard a srtrawberry drink from starbcks with compliments of rick of corse.....

who wants ice cream cake!!!!!

4 step closers - Take a flight to Sweden

[11 Apr 2005|09:15pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

this is so surreal...i havent been able to stop crying...why is this happening......i just dont understand... i wish mike was here god i miss my mike....

Take a flight to Sweden

[11 Apr 2005|09:50am]
[ mood | slutet av allt ]

det här händer inte snälla sej att det här inte händer.....varför varför varför......jag har väntat så himla länge på dej och nu ...för vadå....det betyde inget....jag hattar det här men jag visste ju att det skulle hända.

1 step closer - Take a flight to Sweden

[10 Apr 2005|12:23am]
So my punishment was having the car takn away from me for one whole day...oh no whatever shall i do. Went out with kim bought shit to make my i heart mike shirt and made another one with little green hearts that says robot its cute hush. Went to starbucks and did the interview with Sarah and Karen, they seem really sweet. I find out its a small small world lol turns out had met them both before without knowing it...freaky. either way i got to see jon to so that was nice...couldnt stay at katie's house , sorry hun, and i feel tired i think i'l try sleeping now....so yea...
men vad fan......

Take a flight to Sweden

[09 Apr 2005|07:12pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

heh, all i can really do is smack myself in the forhead and question...wtf was i thinking??
just like a bathing suit my ass...i can only imagine hat a class act jimmy sees me as now.

3 step closers - Take a flight to Sweden

So much for easy [24 Mar 2005|12:42pm]
[ mood | why him? ]

You know...if you would have asked me 5 years ago if I ever thought I would be were I am now or going through the things I am now I would have laughed at you and said hell no. Fuck five years ago things were kind of ok actually, i was a straight a kid with their priorities straight, i suppose i still have my priorities straight but damn i never thought it would be this hard to keep them that way. Never did i think i would be going to meeting, or riding in a car with a random doctor who is offering to put me into a support group. I never thought I would be driving to visit my boyfriend on Wensdays in rehab. I never thought that i would see him for at least 61 days and that i cant talk to him only write. I visited him for the first time at the actual program yesterday. Its very hard to sit there and feel so powerless and confused and worried all at the same time....The people seem nice enough but i know mike is sad, they had to pull him away from me yesterday....i couldnt help but cry....i just hate the whole situation and i know he has the strength to turn his life around...if only he actually does it for once.

1 step closer - Take a flight to Sweden

[15 Mar 2005|08:51pm]
[ mood | i would squeeze you forever ]

I dont want you to leave me for so long,
for you i would wait forever
forever just seems so hard to do
all things require sacrifice
especially when it involves love......
It makes me sad to see my hopes crushed
i know what your doing is for the best
for the both of us
you wont go to prom with me
you'll miss my graduation
i wont see you before i leave to sweden
things just seem to fall apart
despite the love i feel for you
despite how much you care
it just seems so....hard

2 step closers - Take a flight to Sweden

[05 Mar 2005|01:35pm]
[ mood | get out of my house! ]

Hes so damn cute!....ok so i woke up there was no one home.....i got dressed chilled on the coach and my brother gets home.....with John. Oh snap i swear he is so cute and really really funny....granted i am in love with my wonderful mike..but aw hes so cute and wont stop hitting on me joking about he wanted to make sure i was legal and me retorting with of coarse, his reply of oh great! not that the thought crossed either of our minds though right?....definetlly right...i just kinda wish mike would wake up and come get me.... apparentlly john is sleeping here tonight....eep is all i have to say to that. makes me really want to say i'm sleeping at Karen's house but i dont want to get yelled at.
remind myself why John sucksCollapse )

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